Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
