You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
