she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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