Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
