you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
