Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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