I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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