You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
sex in a hospital.. check
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
