Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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