I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
