hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
