Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
