The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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