Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Randomize
