We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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