is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Randomize
