Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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