i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
