Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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