he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
