It's Friday. Sex?
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
