: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
