Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Randomize
