well you can't waste a boner
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
