don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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