One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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