Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
