pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
