New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
