I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
