once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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