your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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