sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
