you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
