I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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