She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
