I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
