Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
