we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
