sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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