My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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