i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
