I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Randomize
