Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize