he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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