I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
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