we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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