I got chris browned last night
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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