You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
