its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
