he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
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