You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
