and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
