He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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