I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
