I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
