I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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