all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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