This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
