She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
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