I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
