Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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