im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
