How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
