you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
