Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
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