somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
So much Jack, so little girl.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
