I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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